The Idol Killing My Marriage

Marriage Miracle

This is where my world came to a halt.  My heart broke and I realized for the first time how selfish  I was in my marriage.  My idol was myself.  I was not loving my husband like I should, nor was I loving my kids as I should either.  I remember leaving the room after the video in tears.  I grabbed my purse and left to find a quiet spot.   A new session was starting so most of the women were in the auditorium.  I found a corner, sat on the floor and cried.  I prayed and asked God to forgive me for what I'd done. I knew what was next...to call Shan.  I don't remember our whole conversation.  I remember asking for forgiveness, crying some more and then also talking to Noah and asking him to forgive me as well for a few different things.  I am so thankful for the forgiveness and mercy of God and my family.  This was a new beginning for me and even for my family. This was NOT where I say it's been perfect and I've done everything just right since then!  No.  This has a been a process for me as it is for everyone in Christ.  Life for those in Christ is full of sanctification.  I know it seems like a big word but, it's important to understand.

~Sanctification, or in its verbal form, sanctify, literally means "to set apart" for special use or purpose, that is, to make holy or sacred. Therefore, sanctification refers to the state or process of being set apart, i.e. made holy.

God has used my marriage and my relationship with Shan to sanctify me in so many ways! If God has called you to marriage I am sure you can say the same thing.  Coming into marriage I was selfish.  I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most people come into marriage selfish. I remember coming into marriage with many unrealistic expectations!  Poor Shan!  I wanted his undivided attention.  I remember crying when he'd fall asleep early.  I used to pout when I didn't get my way or do the ol' silent treatment.  I would look out the car window and not say ONE word. Doing ANY these things to your spouse OR to anyone else is fully to manipulate them!  I can remember a few times when he had absolutely NO clue why I was upset.  Selfishness!!   I had set up this idol in my life and I had no idea it was there.

God used this video and Kim's testimony to do radical surgery on my core.  He also used His word to speak very plainly to me and I hope it will to you as well.

James 3:16-17 "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere."