Foster care is hard. It can bring out my best qualities and my worst! Same for the others in my family. I believe it's taught us invaluable lessons. I don't know if my kids will see that until they are older...maybe much older.
Foster care is a huge infringement on our privacy. So many people in and out of our home on a weekly and monthly basis. Appointments, meetings, court, paperwork, guidelines that are different than our own standards at times. All of these things can cause friction or frustration. Add to that little people (or big) who come in full of their own pain. They need extra attention and time, which can be hard for bio-kids. They kinda suck in that love and attention like a dry sponge. I enjoy that part of it and pouring out the love, but that doesn't mean it's not tiring some days. Our bio-kids are often waiting to tell us something or wait til naps or early bedtimes to talk. Parenting is hard...period.
Our hearts have always loved adoption, but that's not what the foster care system is set up for. Reunification or blood relatives are always considered #1. Many times I think that's a great thing, but it's really not always. Each situation is so unique and I'm sure it's hard for those making the decisions when they can't see the big picture every time. Often the picture presented in court is muddy and many times the decisions are made quickly without all the details. That's when it gets hard and heartbreaking. The system is broken. I'm thankful for good Judges, foster care workers, CASA and others who keep trying, even when it's so broken. I've met some good ones who really do care about the kids. The kids are often the most overlooked. Their opinions and heart don't often matter in the big decisions. It's hard to keep everyone on the same page who is working on the case. Oftentimes the foster parent has little say and they know the child the best. That's a tough one.
It's hard to love little ones and treat them just as your own to know they'll go one day. But, if I don't love them like my own, I'm not loving them as I should. They NEED that type of love. They need to attach to you. One of my social workers encouraged me one day by saying that I can love them "in the gap". In this gap when those who are supposed to be caring for them can't...I can. God gave them to us for a season just for that reason. To love, encourage, support, protect and to parent the best we can and for God's glory. It doesn't make the heartbreak of them leaving any less. The grief is stifling some days. I have to trust that God is with them and sees a much bigger picture than I can.
We have others tell how how strong we are and how they could never do it. We aren't strong, but we serve a God who is. We have to have Hope in Him and Trust Him with these kids. If we weren't Christians, I can't imagine doing foster care. I don't know how anyone who isn't can walk through many of the stories we've seen or heard about. I have to lean heavily on Christ to walk each day, because we know you truly don't know what the day will bring.
Many ask my about foster care or my thoughts on it. For the most part...you just heard them. It's hard, but it's truly a calling from the Lord. How long will we be foster parents? I have no idea. That's a topic of conversation often at our house. I guess until we know the Lord wants us to stop for whatever reason.
Thank you to all of you who've prayed for us. It's an incredible feeling to know that believers all over the map are praying. One thing I am often reminded of is that by coming into our home that child has someone praying for them even after they go. God has a purpose for everything. I'd never want to go back and miss our on the sweet ones we've had in our homes. They'll forever be in our hearts.
8 Responses to “Through the Lens of a Christian Foster Mom”
comments are closed
About Jennifer
Hello there! I’m Jennifer and Welcome to my website – A Home with Purpose. My passion is sharing Christ’s Love and recipes with my Trim Healthy Mama friends. Learn more about me.
I hear you, Jen. Been there. Done that.💜
Thanks, Kari! 🙂
I don’t do foster care but we are raising 2 grandchildren. It’s different in some ways but alike in others. One of them we have a court appointed guardianship and she’s been with us for 11 years. She can’t remember life before being with us. The other one has been here 2 years and he came with many issues. He also has lots of appointments. And while we aren’t dealing with the courts we seem to be walking on eggshells to not make his mom mad so she doesn’t decide at any given time just to take him back out of anger. My prayers go out to you. Dealing with a broken system definitely makes your job harder. And dealing with “broken” children can be heartbreaking. But knowing that you are doing your best for them helps keep you going. It would definitely be impossible to walk that path without God’s help. We truly wouldn’t have the strength to continue.
Bless you for helping! I know there are a lot of grandparents in those same shoes. Without the Lord, it would be impossible for us!
We are starting on the journey in a few weeks. I’m excited and nervous. Rarely in life do you sign up for heartbreak and know it is on its way. I keep telling myself better for my heart to break than theirs. Great post.
It really is signing up for heartbreak. It’s hard on the whole family. Hard to prepare our kids for it to be honest. Something for you all to brain storm. I know your littles are small and it’ll be hard to do that. I don’t think much can prepare you for that first phone call and placement. It’s a rollercoaster!
Thank you for the insight. Our Son-in -law and Daughter have jumped the hoops to becoming foster parents. My hubby and I have put in our paperwork to be able to watch them when we need to. We have been praying that God would put into our care just the right children that he wants us to impact.
I’m thankful you are on board and helping! That will be a HUGE blessing to your daughter and her family as well as the kids. Having extended family on the same page is so helpful.